Log in

No account? Create an account
Fat Bob's Food Extravaganza! [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Fat Bob's Food Extravaganza!

[ website | Personal Journal ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

Summertime! [Aug. 14th, 2007|09:39 pm]
Fat Bob's Food Extravaganza!

Here's a recipe for a nice cocktail I discovered South of the Border. I like to sip it while I float on marshmallows in my Hi-C filled swimming pool during those lazy dog days of Summer.

Combine in a partially hollowed half of a watermelon:
½ Bottle of José Cuervo Tequila
½ Bottle of Southern Comfort
The juice and peel of 10 Limes
1 Bushel of cilantro
3 lbs of Guacamole
1 light dollop of sour cream
finish with a garnish of taco meat [I personally enjoy mine extra meaty]

Serve chilled.
LinkLeave a comment

ATTN: FAT BOB! [Aug. 14th, 2007|03:33 pm]
Fat Bob's Food Extravaganza!

[Current Mood |Offerings to the Gravy Lord]
[Current Music |Megadeth]

While perusing Discount Drug Mart [Saves you the Runaround!] the other day, I discovered your Holy Grail.

It comes in three flavours so far & though the picture does not relate, it has a slit on the lid for easy sipping!

- your faithful servant
Link2 comments|Leave a comment

X-Posted [Aug. 14th, 2007|02:33 pm]
Fat Bob's Food Extravaganza!

[Current Music |The sizzle of my army of George Foreman grills]

As many of you are already aware, I have been lending my patent voice to many a cartoon show lately. [Courage the Cowardly Dog, Southpark to name a few.] This is only one of my many forays into Hollywood, but more on THAT later.

Long story short, the other day the director of a feature children's serial told me I sounded "too fat", I nearly threw my ice cream at him and screamed "What?! I'm Fat Fucking Bob! What do you expect?!" But I didn't. I did, however, eat the ice cream (the entire wheelbarrow of it) as he harangued me on needing a voice coach or to lose about ten meters of girth. He said they were looking for the sound of 'rolly polly fat' and not 'gorged on an Olympus Mons of Soft Pretzels fat'. I nearly corrected him again, as I was eating hard pretzels, you know those really great Belgium wasabi flavoured ones. Anyway, as I'm such a shy fellow, I just nodded and told him I'd see what I could do. And by that I meant I brooded over a veritable Appian Way of Rocky Road. But after I sobered up, I came to a decision.
Now normally I cannot even say the word diet without consequently ordering 12 large snail and pineapple pizzas, and I had trouble typing it without delving into my shoulder pack for my chocolate covered dodo eggs. But it has to be said, Fat Bob is on a diet. And being that I really have no idea about nutrition or even what that word means [did I even type it correctly? Wait whats that word again??!], I decided to go the most logical route and have started the Atkins Diet.

This brings me to my question: Is an entire horse [seared and stuffed with a turkey stuffed with a chicken stuffed with a game-hen stuffed with a pigeon stuffed with a big mac sans bun] Atkins friendly? Its free of bread so its game right?

I'd ask the personal chef I just hired, but he has been committed to an asylum because I had him help edit my soon to be published cookbook. He wouldn't stop muttering 'Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn', whatever that means.

LinkLeave a comment

Recipe: Cheez Ball Tower [Aug. 13th, 2007|04:55 pm]
Fat Bob's Food Extravaganza!

Cheez Ball Tower

A delightful concoction that is less of a snack and more of a way of life. Its inspiration came from Scrooge McDuck's vault on the animated television show Duck Tales. It is the perfect refreshment on a hot summer day, and also serves as a marvelous place in which to mope.

Several million cannisters of Planter's brand Cheez Balls
A large, tower-like structure, preferably hollow

1. Stand at top of the tower or tower-like structure with trap door on roof open.
2. Proceed to dump cannisters of Planter's brand Cheez Balls through trap door.
3. Once tower or tower-like structure has been nearly filled, jump through trap door.
4. Proceed to frolic.

Certain elements can be added to your Cheez Ball tower to enhance atmosphere. My own personal Cheez Ball tower has a diving board made out of licorice, marshmallow clouds, and a banana creme sun. Get creative! You could wear a hard-hat fashioned of rock candy or float around on an lime Jell-o innertube. Remember this is your Cheez Ball Tower, not anybody else's!

Handy Tip
Empty cannisters can be recycled as bird feeders. You can in turn eat the birds.
Link1 comment|Leave a comment

A meeting with Emeril [Aug. 13th, 2007|04:14 pm]
Fat Bob's Food Extravaganza!

[Current Mood |accomplishedaccomplished]

I've wanted my own cooking show for as long as I could remember. I remember spending countless hours watching Julia Child as a young man. And then she died, so my role model became Elizabeth Taylor. I mean, Elizabeth Taylor as she is presently; I have no time for classic movies since they interfere with my constant mealtimes.

Anyway, since I've made the decision to not put much effort into my music anymore, I have more time to devote to my one true dream. Unfortunately, I don't know much about television production or how to even go about getting one's own programme. So, I contacted famous TV chef Emeril and managed to get a lunch date with him.

When I met with him this afternoon, I was overwhelmed by his force of personality. He possessed that rumoured in-your-face personality -- he was defiantly in my face, along with the faces of a few others!

"Uhm, Emeril -- " I started, then faltered. I couldn't get a grip on myself.

"BAM! Why do you want a cooking show, anyway? And why are you wasting my time?" he asked.

"Well, I want to share my unique recipes with the world."

"I guess it won't be a health show, then, huh? BAM!" Emeril shouted, even though I was sitting right across the table from him. Maybe he has a hearing deficit.

"Erhm, I guess no -- Hey, I can show you! Let me get you something. How about a Robert Smith sundae? It's the only sundae that has both a patent number and an FDA warning label."

"BAM!" he responded.

My hands shaking, I took the necessary ingredients out of my fanny pack (which is actually a travel cooler that is strapped around my waist. I am very clever.) and whipped up my favourite dessert. I even added extra gravy and went above and beyond by using a special soft pretzel -- the kind with cheese in the middle. And you'd better believe I didn't skimp on the Oreos and mayonnaise.

He took two bites and proceeded to vomit. And then things got awkward.

Out of desperation, I offered him some gum. He said yes, so I handed over a few ketchup packets.


"Well, you see, I can eat about thirty-eight packs of gum in a single sitting, and they never seem to help me in any way. I've found individual packets of condiments are much more effective. I have mustard and relish if you'd prefer, but I tend to favour the ketchup ones."

He stared at me for a very long time. "You're a disgusting human being," he finally said and left.

All in all, it went much better than I had originally expected.
LinkLeave a comment

Introduction post [Aug. 13th, 2007|04:04 pm]
Fat Bob's Food Extravaganza!

[Current Mood |groggyaus jus hangover]

Hello, Robert Smith of The Cure here. I would like to introduce you, Internet, to my LiveJournal community. This is to chart my efforts to get my very own television cooking show, with the help of my faithful assistants detuned_sky and fidgety. I will also be sharing recipes and my daily experiences with food.

That's enough typing for now. It's time for my ten-past-four gravytini!
LinkLeave a comment

[ viewing | most recent entries ]